Going Batty

Alternate headings for this post:

S**t That Happens When My Husband Is Out of Town

HOLY CRAP there is a Bat in my Bathtub!

To the Batcave

Boil and Bubble, Toil and Trouble

When Bats Attack

One Flew into the Cuckoo’s Nest

My Good For Nothing Dog

In one month’s time I have had three large toads in my house and much to my dismay, a BAT! I heard the bat the night my hubby was gone (of course this stuff always happens when he is away). I looked for “the noise” to no avail. Maybe that was best, otherwise this post might be called, “Moose Lady Tragically Dies from Bat-Fear” or “People in Kentucky Heard Mysterious Scream, Source Unknown.”

Needless to say, not finding the bat at night (while flapping around) is a good thing. Finding it in the morning is still not a good thing – but he was less responsive (not good for him, better for me.) He called to me with a high-pitched freaky squeal at 6:30 am while I was flipping on the radio sporting my “sassy-do” (for those who do not know what a sassy-do is, it is a large, frizzy-Bozo-the-clown hairstyle that I don every morning after working tirelessly on it for 8 hours.) His screech was penetrating. And I… was fearless. I opened the bathroom door and peeled back the shower curtain and BAM! A Vampire hurled itself out and said “I vant to suck your blood!” Okay, not really, because if that had happened, I would not be writing this now, I would be sleeping in a coffin, waiting for the night….

What REALLY happened is…there was a little tiny, obviously injured (and yes it does make me sad!) bat in the bottom of the bathtub.  I did not scream, I squinted, not believing my eyes. Meanwhile, my inside voices started to have a conversation:


“Shhhhh! Inside Voice, you will wake the part of me that might freak out!”

Quieter, inside voice, “I am better now, you do realize you have had 3 toads and now a bat in your house in 30 days, is there something you are not telling me?”

Other inside voice,”Uh, like what , my hat and broom are on the front porch?”

Inside voice, “Ummm, who you gonna call– batbusters! hahahaha!”

Real voice, “Uh, Hi Zack. Hey it’s me–yeah I know it is early, are you home? Great, can you do me a HUGE favor? No, no you don’t need to bring your gun this time. No you just need some gloves maybe, and a net….yeah, I need you to ge the bat out of my bathtub. Yeah, really.” Click.

Zack the super hero arrives with no cape but a net and gloves and promtly disposes of the bat.

Where was the dog during my drama? Sleeping, not interested. Not moving bat = not worth herding. Note to self, possibly think of purchasing a Schnauzer– ONE THAT HUNTS RODENTS!

Guess who spent half a day bleaching the bathroom? This girl! Oh, and I was going to include an image with this story, but then it kind of freaked me out– so sorry readers– go Google your own bat image!

And well, that is the end of my bat story. Now, I need therapy.

Happy Halloween!

What is the strangest animal that has gotten into your house?


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